Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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