Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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