A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
