Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
