Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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