I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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