You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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