I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
