70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
