That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
