Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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