Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Non-Jews are for practice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
