Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
