despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
BRING THE BAGELS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
