am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize