I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
