If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
