i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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