i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
