I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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