I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
