I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
