I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
