so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
