That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize