Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
