he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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