Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
