I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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