my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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