Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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