I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
