i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
