just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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