It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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