I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
