4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
