He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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