i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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