I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
