She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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