Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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