If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
