plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
