2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
