she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
