the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
