i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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