the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
