Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
