All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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