Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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