hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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