It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
