The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize