grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
