batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
