So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
