No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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