I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
