Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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