I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
