why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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