the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
