Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
