so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We need to get me chipped asap
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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