My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
