True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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