yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
