there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I will pee on everything he values.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
