But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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