You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
